On Leaving and Going

Over the last 6 weeks, I’ve found myself in 3 different countries – saying goodbye to my family in California after a couple months’ holiday at home, embracing and farewelling with friends in Canada, and finally being here in India where I’ve already traveled through 5 different states, connecting with about 60 different people along the way.

Throughout these wanderings, the infamous lyrical line, “And I hate to watch her go, but I love to watch her leave,” has found its way to the forefront of my mind on numerous occasions – not because of its profundity or validity, but because I believe it has things backwards.

Traveling from country to country this last year and more generally through my life’s wanderings, I’ve had to reflect a lot on the acts of leaving and going. The lyrics above conceptualize “going” as this source of disdain and look fondly on “leaving” (admittedly because of the observable ASSets involved in the leaving though that’s neither here nor there), but for me, the going has always been sweet and the leaving is the challenge.

Going, to my mind, shouldn’t be looked on with disdain. In the going, we behold sights our eyes never dreamed of, experience the diversity of humanity, push ourselves outside what’s comfortable, and ultimately, we grow as individuals. Going, to me, represents the unlimited possibilities of our collective future horizons and it is also a catalyst to becoming the best versions of ourselves.

Over the course of my trip, I’ve been constantly inspired by the company I’ve kept. Working with 45 strangers (now all lifelong friends) during the first two weeks for the Water Innovation Lab, I shared space with people who sincerely believe they can change the world for the better in their own ways – big and small. Traveling around Kerala with two of those former strangers, I witnessed the strength, intellect, kindness, and humor of two strong women working in fields dominated by men. Now, back in Bangalore, I’ve been surrounded by the immense love that comes from being in the presence of tried and true friends. All of these connections and experiences have come into my life because I’ve chosen to revel in the sweetness of the going at every opportunity.

But leaving isn’t sweet at all. The leaving is what I’ve really felt I had to grapple with as someone who deeply loves the going, especially since I value my relationships above all else in this world. Each place I depart means leaving meaningful and fulfilling relationships, breathtaking physical geographies, and all the possibilities that the specific circumstances of being in that place (wherever it is) create. How then do we ever convince ourselves to leave?

Really in life, though, we are constantly in the process of leaving. We are leaving the present moment as it becomes the past. We are departing from the present to contemplate the future. We are detaching from the person we were as new knowledge and experiences forge us anew.

In the leaving, we are also continuously pushing forward into the going as well. We are going from the past to a new present. We are striding in the direction of our future. We are boldly venturing toward our own unique version of self-actualization.

Above photo by Jeremy Te

With travels to my 4^th country of this trip on the horizon (Nepal!) and my return to Canada coming in just two short weeks, I’m jealously guarding every present moment as it fades into the past. As the leaving approaches, I become even more present with those I’m with because I know they are moments I’ll never get back. As the going approaches, my soul shines with the anticipation of the people, experiences, and growth that await me.

In this continual cycle of leaving and going – perhaps best simplified and consolidated as ‘change’ – I’m beyond blessed to live each moment being present and appreciative, but also ever-intrigued by what lies just beyond the horizon of my sight.

Namaste.

-Dani