On Giving and Receiving

When I travel, I often find my journey challenges me in strangely beautiful ways. I’m pushed to be more tolerant and patient with myself and others. I hear whispers to slow down and enjoy the small beauties of my surroundings. I’m moved to be more vulnerable to learning and experiencing new things. With each challenge, I weave the lessons I learn into the fabric of who I am and return home a better version of myself.

With each journey, these challenges seem to point toward an overall theme. During my first sojourn in India, the theme was to “let go of judgment,” inspired by confronting the stereotypes of what ‘India’ is and what it means to be Indian. During my second trip last January and February, the theme was to “connect more deeply with the people around me” – to be more present and rooted in relationships old and new.

I’ve only been traveling for two weeks now, but I already feel the theme taking shape for this particular journey: to be more open to receiving from others.

Since a young age, I’ve reveled in the act of giving tangible gifts. Whenever I traveled, I would pick out individualized presents for my loved ones and I would be so concerned about leaving anyone out. Still to this day, I value communicating my love through acts of giving. As I’ve transitioned to a more relationship-focused and less materialistic lifestyle, I’ve begun to revel in the acts of giving my time, presence, words of affirmation, and energy to communicate my love and gratitude.

Though I revel in giving, I often times find it hard to receive these same things from others. Tangible gifts seem extravagant, gifts of time or presence make me feel guilty for taking them away from more important things, words of affirmation seem misplaced when expressed about me, and taking energy from others feels selfish.

Over the last two weeks in India, I have been absolutely drenched in gifts. With friends hosting me in their homes, taking time off work to spend time with me, preparing us meals, and being gracious enough to let me film their stories, just about every moment has required me to accept some sort of remarkable gesture or token.

On a grander scale, I have also been receiving some pretty incredible gifts from the universe over the last year. I’ve been divinely blessed with opportunities to travel, spectacular new friendships, the most beautiful and deep love I have ever known, and a prodigiously wonderful new family to go along with it. The way these gifts have opened my heart and shaped my life is indescribable. They are easily some of the most profound treasures I have ever been gifted and I didn’t even hesitate to think about receiving them.

And yet, here I am in India, continually balking at the extravagance I perceive in the small kindnesses my friends extend to me.

The interesting thing about giving is that you cannot give if others are not willing to receive. Love and gratitude simply can’t be expressed as authentically if we don’t intentionally create space to receive them. With nowhere to go, the beautiful gifts of time and words and energy we all have to offer remain latent yearnings that can never be satiated.

When we recognize this simple notion, we can cultivate awareness toward the space we keep for others in our lives. In trying to take a cue from the universe, as well as the eye-opening moments from this trip in India, I am committing to carve out more space for the gifts others seek to give even if it’s challenging for me.

I think my struggle with receiving will not just be a theme for this trip, but rather a lifelong odyssey. I undoubtedly will continue to give and most likely will continue to instinctually feel grandeur in the beautiful gestures of others, but with each gift given and each gift received, I hope to cultivate a deeper appreciation for the cyclic nature of giving and the space others hold for me.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to revel in receiving as much as I do giving, but my commitment for now is to give special attention to the spaces I keep for others while I continue to pour gratitude toward the universe for all the beautiful people and experiences that make living this life so extraordinary.