On Intentionality and Reality

As Polaris and Orion moved almost imperceptibly across the sky last night, I officially checked something off my bucket list – seeing the Northern Lights.

One of my very favorite parts of traveling overseas is the spectacular beauty one can observe from a well-chosen window seat on the plane. Seeing the sunrise cast a rainbow over the horizon of the Atlantic or throwing a jacket over your head & window to make it dark enough to see the profoundly star-filled sky are moments I treasure dearly. My brain dutifully tries to commit every detail to memory, while simultaneously embracing the meditative calm that only Earth’s natural beauties seem to inspire in me.

As I looked out my window somewhere over Greenland in hopes of finding a clear night sky, I stared in disbelief at what met my eyes. I frantically felt around for my jacket to blot out the cabin lights, scared if I took my eyes off the horizon that the fickle lights may disappear.

It wasn’t anything like out of a movie – no bold colors dancing playfully across a star-streaked sky. It was gentle and soft and the colors changed slowly in a misty fog, fading from one pale color to the next, the glow pulsing in a hypnotic rhythm.

As I watched out my window in continuing disbelief, I was surprised at the emotion washing over me – disappointment. This was a moment I’ve dreamt about since I was a small child and here it was happening in front of me – practically handed to me by the universe on a silver platter – and I didn’t feel grateful or blessed or divinely inspired, but disappointed.

I sat with this emotion as the aurora borealis started fading, trying to tease out where it was coming from. After several minutes of introspection, I felt myself come to a conclusion.

I live my life with such intention [or at least I try to… No one is perfect]. Between choosing the things daily that add value to my life and trying to place kindness and compassion at the heart of all my interactions with others, I put a lot of effort into creating the life I want to live. This mindfulness often brings me closer to the people in my life as our relationships deepen. It has also brought me a lot of joy over the years as I’ve intentionally pursued my very own form of the buried life, checking things off my personal bucket list and basking in the glow of the beautiful experiences that have been the by-products of intentionality.

But as the last hints of the ephemeral northern lights disappeared from the sky, I grasped that the reality of this crazy life is not everything is a product of intention. While I imagined my first time looking up at the northern lights to be after a long trek into a more remote area of Canada or Iceland, I was handed a front row seat looking down on them from 30,000 feet in the sky. Some things are random and effortless and beautifully unplanned. Some things play out in unimaginable and unexpected ways. Sometimes, the best stories come from the greatest mishaps. And sometimes, you accidentally check something off your bucket list when you happen to look out the window of a plane at the exact right moment.

Now, sitting at the Zurich airport waiting for my connection to Mumbai, I no longer feel disappointment, but utter excitement and anticipation. I look forward to continuing to live my life mindfully and intentionally, especially as I journey over the next 6 weeks, but I now also look forward to the inspired moments that will inevitably be born of chance.

With an open mind and an open heart and one less thing to do before my time on this planet is done, I cannot wait to see the surprises that await me in India, Nepal, and beyond.

Namaste.

-Dani